I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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