my soul wont recognize me after tonight
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
