At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
