dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
