so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
as a side note pls kill me
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
