She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Is it penis luge time yet?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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