According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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