Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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