i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
