I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
