your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Gay?
German.
Pity.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
