i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
