Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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