She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Can't talk, ducks in the car
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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