You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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