Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(415): View more from California

mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal

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(551): View more from New Jersey

do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??

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(904): View more from Florida

naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.

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(317): View more from Indiana

I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.

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(907): View more from Alaska

Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???

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(512): View more from Texas

hey the jello shots wont freeze

(1-512): View more from Texas

How much Everclear did you put in them?

(512): View more from Texas

uhhh all of it

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(618): View more from Illinois

So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?

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(209): View more from California

Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms

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