can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
