i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
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