Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
