So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
