dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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