You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
