After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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