did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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