never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
