I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
