my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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