I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
