Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
