oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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