He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
