Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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