Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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