A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
thus making me awesome and them whores
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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