They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
