we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
