Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
