Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
