Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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