Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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