YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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