Jerry, you need to find god
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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