I'm so fucking centered right now
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
