The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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