The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I could fuck to npr.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
