He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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