I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
