And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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