Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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