but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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