His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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