so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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