it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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