No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
The adults are the big ones right?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
