My first STD was from a foam party
Please, let me fuck your mom
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
