She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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