He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
