I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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