conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
