So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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