census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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