I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
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I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
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Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
i now understand why vodka
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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