i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize