i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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