i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Randomize
