WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
