she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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