4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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