i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
