i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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