therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
