at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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