her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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