remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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