oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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