Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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