these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
