Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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